Eight Weeks, I can’t believe eight weeks has flown by since we welcomed little Rufus into our family.
Eight weeks of the most magical, heart warming, coffee consuming, exhausting, beautiful moments. We have woven the most precious family memories that we want to last forever.
I guess not every moment will be remembered fondly, the nights of broken sleep when Roo wakes every two hours and the struggle to find some time for myself to wash, dress and prepare. But these moments are all part of the rich tapestry too, and there is a certain beauty to them because they come hand in hand with a newborn. Rufus ONLY wants to sleep in the carrier on me in the daytime, so I hardly put him down and when I do he sure does let me know how he feels about it! But I know in my heart that in the blink of an eye he will be all grown up, ready for school and I will be wishing for those sweet baby days (even the tougher ones) more than anything. The feeling of his soft breath on my skin as he snuggles into my chest, don’t even get me started on those sweet little snoring noises he makes, I can’t handle the cuteness!
Grayson welcomed his little bro gladly at first, wanting to cuddle and kiss him endlessly in those first four to five weeks but, of course, a new addition changes the family dynamics. Recently it has dawned on him that Roo is here to stay, “Where’s the baby going to live now Mama?” was the question which broke my heart a little.
It’s a constant tug of war for me between taking care of Rufus’s needs (newborns are all consuming) and making sure Grayson still gets Mummy alone time and attention so that he feels completely included and loved. I can sense him withdrawing into his shell a bit in the last week or so and it’s breaking my heart. I suppose feel like my best isn’t quite good enough at the moment, but we will get there. I know that we will be closer again once the madness of a newborn settles and G gets used to sharing my attention, but honestly, my heart aches for him at the moment.
I’m not afraid to say that, yes, I am struggling to find a balance between both of my kids needs, along with trying to be a good friend, wife, businesswoman, while trying to keep the house looking like it hasn’t just been burgled and juggling to keep myself washed and fed on top of it all!! Haha! Sometimes I feel like I’m driving myself a little crazy with the guilt of spreading myself so thinly.
Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is pretty chaotic right now, but it’s my hazy chaos and I absolutely love it. These crazy days are the ones I will always remember; this is what it’s all about. So tonight, you will find me soaking in those baby cuddles even though my back feels like it’s breaking, and reading “Just one more story mama, PWEEEEEASSE!” despite how incredibly exhausted I am!