Oh, Brother!

 

Eight Weeks, I can’t believe eight weeks has flown by since we welcomed little Rufus into our family.

Eight weeks of the most magical, heart warming, coffee consuming, exhausting, beautiful moments.  We have woven the most precious family memories that we want to last forever.

I guess not every moment will be remembered fondly, the nights of broken sleep when Roo wakes every two hours and the struggle to find some time for myself to wash, dress and prepare.  But these moments are all part of the rich tapestry too, and there is a certain beauty to them because they come hand in hand with a newborn. Rufus ONLY wants to sleep in the carrier on me in the daytime, so I hardly put him down and when I do he sure does let me know how he feels about it!  But I know in my heart that in the blink of an eye he will be all grown up, ready for school and I will be wishing for those sweet baby days (even the tougher ones) more than anything. The feeling of his soft breath on my skin as he snuggles into my chest, don’t even get me started on those sweet little snoring noises he makes, I can’t handle the cuteness!

Grayson welcomed his little bro gladly at first, wanting to cuddle and kiss him endlessly in those first four to five weeks but, of course, a new addition changes the family dynamics.  Recently it has dawned on him that Roo is here to stay, “Where’s the baby going to live now Mama?” was the question which broke my heart a little.

It’s a constant tug of war for me between taking care of Rufus’s needs (newborns are all consuming) and making sure Grayson still gets Mummy alone time and attention so that he feels completely included and loved. I can sense him withdrawing into his shell a bit in the last week or so and it’s breaking my heart.  I suppose feel like my best isn’t quite good enough at the moment, but we will get there.  I know that we will be closer again once the madness of a newborn settles and G gets used to sharing my attention, but honestly, my heart aches for him at the moment.

I’m not afraid to say that, yes, I am struggling to find a balance between both of my kids needs, along with trying to be a good friend, wife, businesswoman, while trying to keep the house looking like it hasn’t just been burgled and juggling to keep myself washed and fed on top of it all!!  Haha!  Sometimes I feel like I’m driving myself a little crazy with the guilt of spreading myself so thinly.

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is pretty chaotic right now, but it’s my hazy chaos and I absolutely love it.  These crazy days are the ones I will always remember; this is what it’s all about. So tonight, you will find me soaking in those baby cuddles even though my back feels like it’s breaking, and reading “Just one more story mama, PWEEEEEASSE!” despite how incredibly exhausted I am!

H xx

13 Comments

  1. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be doing what you’re doing, but one thing I’m certain of is that you are doing your best. And that is all that matters.
    But wow, how quickly have those 8 weeks flown.
    All the best xxx

    • Hi I know exactly what you are going through, I’ve got a 10 week old Baby boy, Hal and a nearly 5 year old daughter Wren, and it’s been half term this week and it’s been tough, Ive tried to go out every day, but the constant cycle of breastfeeding, expressing, rocking and all the other new born baby things take time away from her. She’s been great but eek it’s tough.

  2. Love this so honest and lovely. Don’t worry I’m the oldest out of me and my sister and my mum and I are so close I consider her my best friend xxx

  3. Such a beautiful and honest account of your experience. Thanks for sharing. You can tell in the vlogs how hard you’re trying to be there for both boys xxx

  4. Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts Hannah! Having just had another baby myself I know exactly how you’re feeling and I can relate to the guilt. It’s just nice to know that you’re not alone 😘

  5. You’re a wonder mama Hannah, never forget that 😊

  6. You are doing the best you can and that is what matters, Hannah. Even if it’s hard, remember that there is no such thing as “the perfect mum”. No mum is perfect, which is a good thing. You are getting better day by day and that is what matters. Plus, through learning you get to know a bit more about yourself and are able to give more to your children 🙂 Isn’t that something good at the end?
    Thank you for sharing your new mama experience with us! Every time I hear something new from you I smile and think “now I am enjoying life a little bit more”. You are also the reason why I love Sundays so much!:)
    You are not alone with your thoughts. Lots of love from Germany xxx

  7. Both boys are beautiful and adorable! Despite the struggles, I’m really looking forward to starting my own family one day. I appreciate the honesty in this post, I can imagine it is super hard to balance everything in your life! Keep going, you’re a great mum Hannah x

  8. This just made me cry. My 2 1/2 year old son Henry this past week has retreated into himself too. He goes from being overly affectionate to his 11 week old brother, to screaming Mummy Mummy endlessly when he’s not getting attention. It’s tough 2nd time around to find the balance. However easier looking after a newborn. Keep trucking Mummy, you are doing great x

  9. I have no doubt that you are going to be inundated with Mammas who feel exactly what you are feeling! My 2 and 3/4 year old daughter has been through all of what you describe – a relatively easy start of new baby sister just slotting into life, and realistically, when all they do is sleep and feed a lot, it’s a lot easier to cope with two than when they start to demand your attention a bit more! I have felt sheer heartbreak at the change in my relationship with my eldest, whilst fending the guilt of “abandoning” my youngest in order to give the eldest the attention she craves. I know we will strike a balance one day, but feel sad that these precious “new baby” days will be ever so slightly tarnished by the myriad of feelings that accompanies the transition to being mummy of two xx

  10. Such beautiful honesty! So helpful to know what other mums are going through – the real side. I have a 2 year old and a 3 week old – so encouraging to know that what I’m going through, someone else is experiencing it all too! We just need to do what we can manage, this is just a season, each come with lovely and challenging moments. You’re doing great! 🙂 xx

  11. I just had my second boy as well so I know how you feel. I have the mom guilt as well and trying hard to just embrace the chaos as well. After all, this is what every mom of two goes through and it all turns out ok. At the end of the day we have two wonderful kids that will have each other when we are not here.

    I adopted this ’embrace it all’ attitude when I found out that a few of my friends had fertility issues and have spent YEARS trying to conceive, going through several miscarriages. So in hindsight, we have it pretty good don’t we?

    When I look at my toddler and now my baby, it amazes me how blessed I am to be able to have become a mom.

    Enjoy the cuddles!

    xo

  12. Hannah, I have days like this, too. With my greasy hair up, teeth not brushed, wearing a dirty top. I bet it is an incredible feeling to see how the love is growing between your kids 🙂 <3

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