I’m almost half way through my pregnancy now and truthfully, I really don’t want it to end so quickly.
Don’t get me wrong, of course I am looking forward to our new little family member arriving this summer (and finally finding out if we will have another son or a daughter this time!), but I can’t help but be totally elated in this dream like little limbo I’ve somehow found myself in. Perhaps it’s all the fresh Spring blooms, the baby animals everywhere, my blossoming tummy and of course a generous dose of hormones, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt happier. It really does prove that there is always light after the dark. Knowing that we will soon have a whole extra little person in our family to love is seriously just the best feeling ever.
After my first pregnancy, I honestly never thought I’d be one of those women who enjoyed being pregnant, but this time around I am loving every single part of it. I woke up in the night a few days ago, and I couldn’t for the life of me get back to sleep purely because I was so darn excited about this little baby coming! It honestly still doesn’t feel real to me!
I find myself appreciating my quality alone time with Gray so much more than before, something I didn’t really expect to happen. The thing is, I know these moments between us might soon become a little more rare when we have our new little edition & also there’s no escaping from the fact that Grayson starting at school is looming next year. I seriously can’t belive it’s come around so quickly, and I can pretty much guarantee I will be a complete emotional wreck on his first day, especially if I’m already feeling emotional about it!
These two big impending changes coupled together, have made me realise just how lucky I am to have been to be able to be a ‘work-from-home’ Mama for the first 3 years of his life, and to have spent all of our days exploring and learning together.
Of course, it goes without saying that there are harder things about this pregnancy too- nap times are basically non existent when you have a hyper active three year old boy who needs entertaining- and that’s pretty tough, and my tiredness has a way of hitting me halfway through the day, which is just wonderful! (sense the sarcasm there!)
I suppose that’s my biggest struggle really, that and the battle with anxiety. After losing our last baby, I’ve found this time that I’ve behaved very differently in this pregnancy, even being further along. I still haven’t bought anything for this baby, where as before I think I had pretty much everything we needed by this point, all washed and ready to go! But, anxiety is a funny thing, and if I can keep it at bay by not baby shopping, I will do just that. That is, until of course it gets to the point where I actually need to be prepared for a newborn! I definitely feel as though it tends to cloud me more so when I have a scan coming up, so much so that I can’t really sleep the night before and I just really worry that something will have gone wrong when all I want in the whole world is for this baby to be safe and healthy. As much as it has been a very prominent thing for me this pregnancy, I’m not letting the anxiety ruin it for me, especially as I’m having so much more of an enjoyable experience than my pregnancy with Gray (sorry dude, but it’s true!).
I’m sure as I get bigger and daily tasks become more difficult to manage, perhaps I wont feel so relaxed and serene about the whole thing, but for now, I’m basking in it and lapping up every last moment.